okay so this is going to have to be quick because I’m already running late for work, but here.

so I go out on a date with this guy. we’ve never met before okay? he picks me up from my house, he gets out of his car and shit when I walk out and is a gentleman and whatever. so we’re supposed to go out for a nice dinner and shit at some sushi restaurant in the west loop or something. so we drive there blah blah blah and we park and we’re walking to this place that actually looks pretty nice and there’s a Hooters down the road. I make some comment that I’ve never been to Hooters before.. SO HE ACTUALLY DECIDES TO TAKE ME TO HOOTERS INSTEAD. mind you, this guy is older so I’m like a little scantily dressed, but granted I may have looked like a hooters waitress, I was still dressed pretty nicely.

dude okay so we eat wings and shit which I’m totally not into but whatever, and this guy is really fucking weird. not only does he sit next to me on the same side of the table and shit, but he’s like, trying to hold my hand and kiss me and put his arm around me WHILE we’re eating wings. gross.

oh that’s when he starts talking about some weird s&m shit.

so we finish dinner, it’s actually pretty late, I say I have class or work or some shit in the morning and he drives me back. when we get to my house he parks (despite me going, oh just pull up! just drop me off at the gate!!) and tells me he’ll walk me to the gate. I’m like okay, that’s nice, whatever. we get to the gate and he informs me he has to use the bathroom. I know I know, I’m not stupid, he’s just trying to get into my house.. but what are you supposed to say to that? “No.. I don’t have a bathroom”??? no! there’s no getting out of it. so he comes in and I leave my coat and shoes on as though to signal that he should leave as soon as he has used the bathroom. he comes out and starts like making out with me and takes me to the couch and I’m like ehhhh and he’s really into it. so before I know it this dude has whipped his dick out and I’m trying to get him to stop making out with me telling him he has to leave and he’s full on beatin’ it just right next to me on my couch and at this point I’m all “dude I’m not gonna let you touch me” and he’s all “just let me finish” and asking me to take off my shirt. I’m like yo you’re crazy and he’s getting all weird like “uhhh ummmm ohhh mmmmm yeahhhh I’m about to cum, where should I cum?” and I’m like… dude you shouldn’t cum and he’s all I’M ABOUT TO CUM OPEN YOUR MOUTH and I’m all WHAT THE FUCK? and long story short he realizes I’m not about to let him cum anywhere near me and goes into the bathroom and cums into the toilet. 

I opened the front door and put his stuff out there and told him he should probably never try contacting me again.